This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, Allen Amend, who was born in Ohio on September 29, 1949 and passed away unexpectedly on December 22, 2004 at the age of 55. My Dad was a good man. Not a perfect man. Kindness was his calling card to everyone around him.

I remember it almost like it was yesterday. My fiance and I had awakened to the startling banging noise at our front door that morning. An officer greeted me at the door giving me the message to call my family at the hospital. He said my family was trying to contact me all night. This was very important and that I call as soon as possible. After calling the hospital my aunt informed me that my father had used firearm to shoot himself. I heard myself say no. I couldn't focus. I couldn't think. I couldn't even understand what was happening. How could this be? This isn't happening. No. Not to me. My body instantly felt as though I had the flu. Cold and shaking, I cried hysterically. Wanting more and more for this to be just a dream. My father was transported via life flight to a different hospital within the state. Upon our arrival, after an hours commute, I found my father lifeless. He was hooked to life support. This is the point at which you pray to god he'll wake up. There's going to be a miracle. This day forever changed my life as I said goodbye. Since that time, my life has been a mix of complete disbelief, denial, unbelievable anger, feelings of abandonment and betrayal, mixed in with an odd number of days that are almost completely normal. When I think back to that night almost 3 years ago, I can't believe I even made it through those first few weeks after he died. I can't believe I'm still the same person. Of course, I'm not the same person, but I can't believe this is my life. Most of all, I can't believe he's dead. Since Dad's death, I've returned to a normal life. Of course, it's a "new normal." Anyone who's ever lived through this knows there's no returning to life as it was before. I lost my Dad to a disease called depression that I didn't even know he had. I knew he was blue. I'd seen him bummed out before and he always bounced back. We all have bad days, right? In hindsight, this clearly wasn't him being blue or bummed out. This was depression. I decided sometime after Dad died that he didn't kill himself. It might have been his hand that held the gun, but it wasn't his brain that told him to pull the trigger. It was his disease. It was something in his brain that had taken over and made him someone I'd never met before. This disease killed my father .

Dear Dad,
We thought of you with love today,
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday.
And the days before that too.
We think of you in silence.
We often speak your name.
Now all we have is memories.
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake.
With which we'll never part.
GOD HAS YOU IN HIS KEEPING.
WE HAVE YOU IN OUR HEARTS.
Love,
Ang & Park






http://www.angelfamilies.cityslide.com/page/page/2659844.htm 



http://www.angelfamilies.cityslide.com/page/page/4849378.htm




                  



















   

             
  















SUICIDEPREVENTION.COM SUICIDEMEMORIALWALL.COM The World Health Organization estimated that each year, some 786,000 people die by suicide around the world. This is the equivalent of one suicide every forty seconds, somewhere in the world. In the US, we record one suicide every 18 minutes. The Suicide Memorial Wall was created to help us remember some of the names of those whose deaths were self-inflicted. We also hope to show visitors that suicide is a tragic end to lives that once had great potential. Most of all, however, we hope to plant seeds of compassion in the hearts of those who read the names: seeds that may develop into a commitment to understanding suicide and finding solutions. 






   God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it ... Dad 




           



Sometimes our dark and tormented soul
is like a helium balloon
trying to float away from this world...


Depression
Depression leads people to focus mostly on failures and disappointments, to emphasize the negative side of their situations, and to downplay their own capabilities or worth. Someone with severe depression is unable to see the possibility of a good outcome and may believe they will never be happy or things will never go right for them again.

Depression affects a person’s thoughts in such a way that the person doesn’t see when a problem can be overcome. It’s as if the depression puts a filter on the person’s thinking that distorts things. That’s why depressed people don’t realize that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem in the same way that other people do. 


Sometimes people who feel suicidal may not even realize they are depressed. They are unaware that it is the depression — not the situation — that’s influencing them to see things in a “there’s no way out,” “it will never get better,” “there’s nothing I can do” kind of way.

When depression lifts because a person gets the proper therapy or treatment, the distorted thinking is cleared. The person can find pleasure, energy, and hope again. But while someone is seriously depressed, suicidal thinking is a real concern.


Suicide Is Not Always Planned
Sometimes a depressed person plans a suicide in advance. Many times, though, suicide attempts happen impulsively, in a moment of feeling desperately upset.


Talk to someone you trust as soon as you can. Call a suicide crisis line (such as 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-999-9999) or your local emergency number (911). These toll-free lines are staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week by trained professionals who can help you without ever knowing your name or seeing your face.






The person who completes suicide dies once. Those left behind die a thousand deaths, trying to relive those terrible moments and understand ....WHY?

We are all “intertwingled”.… separate, yet together, alike, yet different. We are interwoven such that, together, we are more than we are apart. Each of us is desperately loved and needed by others. But love isn't enough! If it were, our loved ones would still be alive.

We are parents, spouses, siblings, children, relatives, lovers, partners, in-laws, companions, and friends of one who has completed suicide. We are “those left behind.” Victims of a tragedy that we could not foresee but feel responsibility for, and for which there is no closure.


We are Loved Ones’ Suicide Survivors (LOSS). We suffer an especially acute, long, and painful grief. Our needs are not well understood. Our grief is complex, overwhelming and disabling. Death is a normal life crisis – suicide is an abnormal life crisis.




I Wanted You To Know......

I Was Sitting Here In Heaven
And Having A Wonderful Day.
I Started Thinking About You
And All The Things I Didn’t Get A Chance To Say.
I Don’t Want You To Worry About Me
And Please Don’t Shed Any Tears,
Because I Will Wait For You In Heaven,
If It Takes A Hundred Years.
Everything I Had On Earth
I Have In Heaven Too!
My First Day Here
My Body Became Brand New.
It Is Really Pretty Here
And I Love My New Home,
Although Your Heart Is Broken
Because My Body Is Gone.
My Love Will Always Be There
As You Go Along The Way,
Just Take A Peek Inside Your Heart
There Is Where I’ll Stay.
Know That I Loved My Family. 
My Thoughts Will Be With Each Of You
Your Whole Life Through. 






MY PAPPY, MY BEST FRIEND

Hey Grandpa it’s me again just writing to say hello
I know you're up in heaven shining your light on us below
I know you left and I miss you a lot
But I have given things a lot of thought
I love you so much and the love is real
But I know wherever you are, you are feeling ideal,
I’m sorry we tried to keep you here
I feel so selfish we just wanted to hold you dear.
I now set you free grandpa with no regrets
Because now I know, I know you loved me so
And now I see that you'll always be with me
So grandpa I’ll see you soon and that day when I do...
It’ll no longer be alone but I’ll finally be with you
I know you’re with me everyday
And I know you’re taking care of me every step of the way
I still know you’re proud of me where ever you may be
And I want you to know I try to make you proud as you can see
I love you so much and I miss you so dear
But grandpa don’t worry because I know you’re always here.... 

OCT. 12TH, 1994
"Proud Grandpa"



















.



Drawing made by Parker: Left to Right-Parker's Dad, Mom, Parker, and Pappy Dad.

The ribbon I purchased for my father as a father's day gift in my younger years. My dad kept this ribbon throughout the years.


The ring I purchased for my father as a birthday gift. HE WORE THIS RING DAILY. This ring remains sealed in a packet surrounded by hearts...just as his memory remains close at heart.

The birthday card my dad gave to me a year before his death. A little hard to read..but it says, Thanks for all you do Angie, Glad we can be 
close! You mean the world to me!! Never forget that I Love You and I'm proud to be your dad! Happy Birthday to a daughter who's grown up to be so beautiful.

















Some of dad's favorite things

Blue Birds



Peaches
My grandma would make homemade canned peaches, and my father as a child would sneak into her pantry, eat a whole can of peaches and put the empty canning jar to the back of the shelf.  

Coffee
Dad was a big time coffee drinker. Always with two tsp. cream and two tsp. sugar.

"Meatloaf Man" 

"Fisherman"

Gardening
Dad always grew a garden. Tomatoes, zucchini, watermelon, corn, green beans, green peppers,etc. Dad had a green thumb. We miss
his cherry tomatoes!!!

"Flea Markets"
Dad braked for flea markets!! "One man's junk is another man's treasure."